When I was a kid, my father gave me the title “prayer warrior” of our family. He would always ask me to pray before we eat, before we go to school, and before we head home. I was honored to carry that title, and because of that, I tried my best to live it. I wasn’t afraid to pray. I wasn’t the type of kid who would volunteer to pray, but I wouldn’t say no when I’m assigned to do it.
As a young girl with many big dreams, I would pray to God everything that I wanted to have in my life. I didn’t hold anything back. However, I have been struggling with my prayer life lately. I noticed that I’m just saying the same words over and over again with no emotions behind it. Sometimes, I find myself saying something while thinking about something else. I couldn’t find my focus, and it resulted to a very dull spiritual life.
There were moments in the past months where I would cry while praying because I didn’t know what to pray for anymore. No words would come out of my mouth other than the usual things that I pray for. But after studying with my discipleship group last week about prayer, I have two (2) realization why I am struggling with my prayer life:
I. I have no confidence
Hebrews 4:16 says:
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
I am struggling with my prayer life today because I don’t have the confidence to enter the throne of God’s grace. When I pray, I have a performance-based mindset. If I think I don’t deserve it, God might think I don’t deserve it too.
II. I have no trust
Psalms 62:8 says:
“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”
I couldn’t pray properly because I don’t trust God enough. “Will God come through?” “I’m too old for this. It’s impossible.” My faith was getting weaker, and I relied on my strength most of the time. I wasnt surrendering everything to God. After experiencing a lot of miracles from God, I still had a hard time fully trusting Him.
With tears in my eyes, I realized that to pray means to trust in God as we pour our hearts to Him. My heart desires to be that kid again: “the prayer warrior.” I hope that each and every one of us will have the boldness and confidence to enter the throne of God’s grace daily.
How about you? How’s your prayer life these days?